From the category archives:

parenting

Family Meetings: The Benefits

by Kelly on February 24, 2010

This is a guest post by Emily Geizer, creator of Child Perspective, the site parents turn to for simple and effective parenting solutions. You can contact Emily directly through the site to ask any specific parenting questions. She is also offering a FREE parenting e-course, called A Crash Course in Mindful Parenting. Read more about the course and sign-up here.

Family meetings can revolutionize family dynamics. Weekly meetings help families to stay connected, keep kids involved in decisions and plans, and create an intentional space to discuss troubling issues or behavior. It’s beneficial for small and large families alike.

Family meetings will look different for every family and every aged child. The topics will be different and you can expect the organization (or lack thereof) to vary too. I have two young children, so our family meetings were initially set in motion to create a well-established habit. Kind of like a placeholder. While these meetings are mildly productive at this stage, I know there will be other phases down the road when they will feel like an absolute necessity.

One fantastic topic for a family meeting is the family budget. A new or adjusted budget will affect the entire family, so invite everyone’s participation. Approach the conversation with enthusiasm and curiosity! If you have older children, you can discuss their spending needs with them. If your children are younger, you can encourage their participation by giving them some choices, “would you rather go out to breakfast or go ice skating this weekend?” Think creatively, to bring some fun into the idea of a budget. Older kids will enjoy a competition. Try having them compete to save the most amount of money. Turn this into a math game for the young and old alike.

Benefits of family meetings:

• keeps lines of communication open
• intentional space to express discontentment in a productive way
• builds family connection and unity
• develops problem-solving skills
• builds self-esteem in children to have input in their day-to-day lives
• space to announce big family decisions
• time to discuss serious family issues, brainstorm ideas, and come up with solutions

Suggestions for conducting a family meeting:

1. It’s never to late to start, but will be easier to initiate when children are young.
2. Establish a specific time when all family members will be present.
3. Tell children that you are going to begin to hold meetings to share what is going on in everyone’s life.
4. Parents should be co-moderators in the beginning (depending on the age of children, you can designate a new leader and secretary every week).
5. Set some basic guidelines for speaking, listening, not interrupting, honesty, etc.
6. Allow everyone to have a turn to speak.
7. Keep the meetings relatively short (especially with young kids) and maintain a calm, compassionate space.
8. Create a method for covering all topics. The “go around” method works well. Go around the table to give everyone an opportunity to respond to the topic. Some families begin by complimenting each family member, then raising issues, then problem-solving. Choose a system that works best for you.

Does your family have family meetings? Do you think you might start?

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12 tips for feeding picky eaters

by Kelly on October 28, 2009

in food,kids,parenting,patience

Sometimes you have to feed the stuffed animals too!

When I was a kid I was well known as being one of the most picky eaters on Earth. I adored candy, and still have quite a sweet tooth (see my tip for Halloween at the bottom of this post). As a kid I would eat an entire block of Kraft cheddar cheese after school. I don’t think it really qualifies as cheese, maybe cheese “product”. Fruit, I would eat with abandon. Veggies were okay. I had a deep distrust of anything animal and loathed milk.

I HATED onions with a passion most people save for terrorists and Charles Manson. When I was 9 my onion loving dad told me I would someday grow up and like onions. I refused to believe it, and wrote him a note which I dated and signed that said simply, “I will NEVER, EVER eat an onion.” (I do eat onions now, so 9 year old me was wrong)

My kids are the payback for the grief I caused my parents. I have 4 kids that are various levels of picky. Finding meals that incorporate 1 thing that everyone can eat, some veggies, and whole grains can be a tremendous challenge.

Here are 12 ways we feed our picky eaters without breaking the bank.

Compromise: The kids want white bread, but you want them to eat whole grain. Try products that meet both your needs like this whole grain white bread from Wegman’s.
Pick your battles: Choose the best foods and keep finding new ways to offer them.
Find balance where you can: For instance, you may think your child needs more greens, so start by offering green fruits, and bland veggies like green beans that can be coated with butter, dressing, or ketchup.
Try new things: Don’t be afraid to offer new things, or try different recipes. Just make sure you have 1 thing on the table your child will eat.
Offer less options: Fabulously Broke shared that her mom had an eat it or starve policy. While they be too extreme for some parents, we should not be expected to be short order cooks serving different meals to each member of the family.
Keep trying: Research has shown that a child needs to be introduced to a new 5-10 times before they accept it. Don’t give up just because your child says they “hate” something.
Make it fun: The he half of Vilkri shared that his family makes pasta and then everyone “customize(s) their toppings.” Other ideas, use cookie cutters to shape sandwiches, have a tea party, have a food from every color of the rainbow, or choose foods that start with the first initial in everyone’s name.
Offer treats: Treats should not be tied to finishing your meal, or cleaning your plate. Offer a fixed number of treats per week or day and let your child choose when to have them. (via my friend Liz)
Have a backup food: Dina Rose shares a great tip, have a backup food. One your child LIKES, but doesn’t love. That way if they refuse their meal you have an alternative.
Don’t make food=reward: Research has shown this can have a negative impact on the reward, and the enjoyment of the food.
Enlist your child’s help: Have you cooked with your kids? Even wee ones love to help dump things into batter, or take a turn stirring. Older kids can even prepare full meals. IF you have a young child I HIGHLY recommend getting a Learning Tower. It has enough room for more than one child, and is a safe way for them to help. For older kids choose kid’s cookbooks. A few of our favorites can be found in my Amazon shop.
Keep junk out of the house: This tip isn’t just for the kids, it’s for adults like me who can’t help themselves. I’d rather spend more money to go out to an ice cream shop, than to have it sitting in the freezer calling my name, or having the kids beg for it every 5 minutes.

With Halloween only days away, I have no candy in the house. We’ll pick it up the day before Halloween. We also offer the kids a bigger treat, or small toy in exchange for some of their candy. That way they get full enjoyment of a handful of pieces, and the rest we can give away. This keeps both us, and the kids healthier.

What tips do you have? Tricks? Ideas? Share them in the comments. I’d love to hear from you.

For more ideas read Melinda Fulmer’s article in the LATimes online.

For FABULOUS kid’s sized cooking utensils, shop at For Small Hands, where you can find many things Montessori, or check out Williams-Sonoma Kids, which has recipes, tools and ideas galore.

Kelly

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*links to Amazon are affiliate accounts, meaning I get a few ¢ents if you order through my link.

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stay at home mom or working mom?

by Kelly on July 15, 2009

in homeschooling,kids,parenting,reflection,work

I am a stay at home mom. I work 3 part-time jobs and blog, but none of these take me away from my kids for very long (or earn me very much money). I’m there most nights to put them to bed (sometimes I take a night off), and I’m here for them all day.

I have been a stay at home parent since my first child was born. At the time we were making less than $20K/year, but I did it anyway. I was 21, had no degree, and after spending lots of time looking around, found that the best scenario was working my a$$ off, and making just enough money to cover a sitter or day care.

It was a choice we made, and one that came with many sacrifices. I had to be extremely frugal, going as far as carting dirty cloth diapers in my car to my mom’s house so I could wash them. Date night was renting a movie, dinners out were unheard of.

In some ways though I felt (and still feel) like it was a choice I HAD to make. The boy was a high-needs baby. Oh boy, was he! Maybe it’s because he has Asperger’s Syndrome. Or maybe my boys are just wired that way, the little one was also high needs.

When I had one child, I worked here and there, whether it was picking up a family friend’s children from school, working at my friend’s gardening business, or starting my own business. But the priority was always the kid.

As our lives settled down (we got married, saved up and bought a townhome, and were expecting our 2nd), I quit my side gigs to focus on the new baby. We lived as cheaply as possible, but as our income increased so did our expenses. We were also young and somewhat foolish. Every time we got a windfall (tax refund, extra income, etc.) we spent it.

We had #2 just after moving into our townhome, and 15 months later I was pregnant, again. #4 was born 22 months after #3. In case you’re keeping track that’s 3 kids in less than 4 years.

If you’ve ever been in the company of several kids below the age of 3 you will understand me when I say the next 2 years were a blur of nursing, tangled bodies in my bed in the morning, constant cooking and cleaning, and exhaustion. Financial matters were the last thing I thought of. I just wanted to SURVIVE the day without someone getting fatally injured or me exploding.

I joined a parenting group for social support, and that helped tremendously. I no longer felt the need to be working, and really enjoyed my time at home mostly.

We’ve always had some immediate thing that needs attention in our lives. A crying newborn, a house that we need to find, a mountain of clothes that needs washing, or a schedule that must be kept. That started changing this year. So of course we added more work! Our puppy takes up a lot of our time, but he’s getting older, and calmer (sort of).

The kids are old enough that they will play on their own for an hour or more at a time (though as any parent will tell you as soon as I need them to be quiet they won’t).

The din and demands of constant needs are dying down. I’m left with this feeling of what’s next? (Other than the mountain of laundry, floors that needs washing, a car that needs cleaning, and a lawn that needs mowing.)

Some days being at home makes me feel backed into a corner. I still long for social interaction, a paycheck, and time where I can be ME, not just mom/household manager. (aka butt wiper, dish cleaner, bill payer)

I have the opportunity to work at a near perfect part-time job. Fun atmosphere, decent pay, the chance for growth, working some from home, and honing new skills.

BUT the job requires me to find a sitter for the kids, someone who can be here for them, manage their needs, and their schedule. Easy right? The reality is I have a high energy preschooler, 2 kids in elementary school but one for only half a day, and a special needs homeschooler who needs direction constantly.

This is not a job anyone can step into, this is not a job I could pay someone to do. Stepping into my shoes would not be easy for anyone. Even if I pay someone well, I know that for my kids, it won’t be good. They still need me. Or Mary Poppins, but something tells me she’s not available.

I long for work, I want to work, but I am not sure it will work for us. We tried a few months ago, and that ended badly.

I don’t feel the same passion I used to have for being home with them. I need to find that again. I miss being delighted by the small things we do together, and planning fun things for them.

I’m spending so much time thinking about money, saving it, paying debt off, that I sometimes forget that we financed me staying home with them. Was that the right thing to do? Probably not financially, but it’s not always about the bottom line.

I’ve come to think of this time as my retirement. It’s not an easy or leisurely retirement, but it is what I want to do. It’s forcing me to get creative, to live a more frugal life, and remember that the grass is not always greener on the working side.

No matter what you choose for your family, embracing your choices is the key to success. After all if mom is happy then everyone is happy.

Kelly