Most days as a mom it’s tough to know if I’m doing it “right.” I especially worry about my youngest getting the short end of the stick, but then he says something and I realize despite the differences in our life, the occasional yelling, and the scrambling to get everything done; he is still getting the same values. That makes it all seem ok.
He recently had some inspired words of wisdom on sharing. This was completely spontaneous, it was a conversation we had while he was getting ready for bed. I grabbed the Flip, and head back to his room and asked him to repeat it so we could watch it on video. (he loves that)
Aidan on sharing:
I think he’s pretty smart for 4 1/2, but maybe I’m biased. Of course even saying what he did, he said this one day and the next day he grabbed a toy from his sister’s hands, so you know he’s still learning the lessons he’s teaching. 😉
Tips on Teaching Sharing
Sharing isn’t easy, and it doesn’t seem natural, but it’s a necessity for kids to learn how to get along with each other. Whether your child is an only, or you have a handful of kids, sharing is an opportunity for children to learn about helping others, putting other people first, and allows them to have a better experience socially.
With over 12 years of parenting under my belt, this is still a daily issue in our house, but I have some tips I have learned over the years.
Provide the same things for the kids:
Whether it’s a snack, an equal number of strawberries, or an equal amount of spending money, everyone gets a fair share. This is especially important for kids under the age of 7. Making things equal takes the fight out of most situations by allowing everyone to be on a level playing field.
Experiences aren’t always equal:
We draw the line at experiences though, the kids (especially the little ones) get upset when someone does something without them, but we remind them that they either did or will have their own time to do similar things. So when the 6 year old wants to go on a playdate with her sister, we have to remind her that sometimes she gets her own private playdates.
Make time for one-on-one time with your kid(s):
As much as having a date night with your spouse is important, having one-on-one time with your kid(s) is nearly as valuable. It allows you to reconnect, and allows your child to take full ownership of the time instead of negotiating all the family relationships to get what they want.
Model good behavior:
Whether you are asking for something from your spouse, or correcting a situation with the kids, use the words you want to hear your kids say. If you yell, or say what not to do they never learn the right way to do things. It’s almost like a play with little kids, gently showing them how to respond in a situation allows them to see what to do.
Set Time Limits
If we are truly struggling with sharing I will set a timer and each child will have a 5 minute turn. To keep me sane I will also say if you ask for it or take it in that 5 minutes, you will lose your next turn.
Now, obviously this doesn’t work with a toddler or baby, in that case I reason with the bigger kid and explain that the little ones get bored quickly. Often it just takes a second to find something else shiny/chewy/cool to replace the coveted item, or waiting less than a minute or two (just enough time for a tickle session.)
Do your kids share? Do you have struggles with sharing in your house?
Kelly
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My kids generally share pretty well. But, they really aren't deprived of anything, so it isn't like they worry too much about getting their fair share. Actually, they share way better than my brothers and I did when we were younger. However, we didn't have much, so it was kinda just looking after yourself.
We have been very lucky in our family. I have 3 kids close in age, and if one is occupied with me, or a video game, or whatever, the other two usually go off and do something. I did have to get another computer though because there was an issue with who would get the computer for homework. There is just too much schoolwork for our family of 5 to survive with just the one computer.
I really like your site by the way.
Aw he is so cute! And smart! Thanks for sharing your little guy’s words of wisdom. They sure do grow up quickly, don’t they?
as always great tips, we learn something new each day about being “fair” to all 3 kids but it’s so hard sometimes when each kids has different needs, wants and responsibilities.
on a side note, he looks just like you! so cute