Cathy from Chief Family Officer wrote a simple meditation guest post on Get Rich Slowly about the cost of having kids and how having children affects your financial plans. There was a huge response, and so many different opinions. I found myself reading along fascinated by all the different points of view from a post I thought was simple and straightforward.
Kids are an amazing blessing in many people’s lives, but they do affect how we spend our money. Just look at my last post regarding our mini-windfall. We spent nearly a 1/3 on the kids!
In my case, I have 4 children (aged 11,7,5, and 3), and we have had children our entire “adult” lives becoming parents at the ages of 21 and 20. Needless to say our financial path has been slightly different than most of our contemporaries.
Learn more: Love and Money
In the 12 years since I first became pregnant, and the years before that, I have never had a traditional job, and thus we have always been a single income family. This started as a choice, and eventually became a necessity as my husband’s schedule did not permit him sharing childcare duties (he worked and went to school full-time).
We never considered the financial consequences of anything at that point, including having our children. I believe most people don’t, and if you do, then chances are likely you underestimated!
As we started making more money, we started saving to buy a house. The hubby’s work is in a high priced area. Rent and a mortgage were similar and we had a strong desire to be homeowners. We saved up and bought out first home while I was due with #2. (we had her a month after we moved into the house)
Learn more: 7 Tips For Living On One Income
We chose to have our 2nd and 3rd children when we did, and our fourth was a welcome surprise. Having 3 children so close together (the first is 4 years older than the next child, the other 3 are just about 2 year apart) has its’ advantages, but the main drawback for us was how little attention we paid to anything but the kids (a good thing of course.) Bills were paid late at times, bank accounts were overdrawn, credit filled in the gaps, and often the payments made to our credit cards was the minimum payment. At times things were disorganized, and unexpected expenses were lethal to our budget.
For instance, I made the huge mistake of buying a station wagon 2 months before we found out we were pregnant with #3. I was determined not to be a minivan mom. (go ahead, laugh)
minivan Selling the car at that point would have been a mistake financially, so we decided to keep it, and trade in our older sedan for the dreaded van. Which we leased. <bangs head on wall> I know, stupid mistake. Since then we have paid off the wagon (early), and purchased a newer model van which will be paid off approx. a year early. Also, minivans rock.
Learn more: 6 Financial Steps To Take After Marriage
That is just one example of how our choices happened quickly and without much thought. When you are nursing, changing a diaper and on the phone with a loan officer or credit card company chances are likely you are just trying to keep your shirt clean, and the kids from screaming so you can hear the person on the other end.
Sometimes I feel our financial picture is not where it “should” be. I have been looking at it differently lately. Essentially we have financed my staying at home with the kids, and we should have it paid off within the next 2 years. Not too shabby.
We also get a kick out of knowing that our “baby” years are over, and that we’ll be empty nesters 15-20 years before many of our contemporaries. It isn’t an easy road, but I’ll be honest and admit I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up, and the kids bought me a good 15 years to figure it out. 😉 The only thing I ever knew I wanted to do with my life, was be a mom, so now I can check that one off my list (a few times!).
Learn more: 7 Ways To Raise Centsible Kids
As my hubby often points out one of the reasons he is so successful, and we work so hard is because of the kids. They make for great motivation. (smart man, that guy)
Just to be clear, the kids are worth every cent, and every sleepless night (and labor pain) many times over, but man they are sure expensive in ways you wouldn’t even imagine before you have them.
Kelly
PS. Kudos to Cathy for responding to commenters on GRS, and her post.
Cathy @ Rainy Day Pennies says
Thanks for your thoughts, Kelly. 🙂
My parents have money set aside for retirement and long term care. I feel fortunate compared to some of my peers that I will not have to worry about this aspect, or burden this alone.
My parents sacrificed a lot for me, and did everything they could to take care of me and give me what I needed to be successful. There’s no expectation, but I do feel it is my responsibility to make sure they are cared for, and won’t be abandoned in a home.
With the excellent care you are giving to your children, I’m certain they can be counted on when times are tough, without expectations. 🙂
Cathy @ Rainy Day Pennies says
Thanks for your thoughts, Kelly. 🙂
My parents have money set aside for retirement and long term care. I feel fortunate compared to some of my peers that I will not have to worry about this aspect, or burden this alone.
My parents sacrificed a lot for me, and did everything they could to take care of me and give me what I needed to be successful. There’s no expectation, but I do feel it is my responsibility to make sure they are cared for, and won’t be abandoned in a home.
With the excellent care you are giving to your children, I’m certain they can be counted on when times are tough, without expectations. 🙂
Kelly says
Cathy,
I don’t know your age, but I have many friends who had their 1st child when they were in their late 30s and early 40s. It’s definitely a different experience than ours, but it is very common now, so if you do end up having a child, you will likely find lots of support.
I’m sorry to hear that your Dad has been ill, it is so difficult to see someone you love go through an illness.
I understand that point, yet despite having children though I do not expect them to take care of us as we age. They may choose to but it’s important to have a money set aside for nursing care just the same. Our parents are not at an age yet where they need any care, but it is something I think about, and a conversation we should have.
Kelly says
Cathy,
I don’t know your age, but I have many friends who had their 1st child when they were in their late 30s and early 40s. It’s definitely a different experience than ours, but it is very common now, so if you do end up having a child, you will likely find lots of support.
I’m sorry to hear that your Dad has been ill, it is so difficult to see someone you love go through an illness.
I understand that point, yet despite having children though I do not expect them to take care of us as we age. They may choose to but it’s important to have a money set aside for nursing care just the same. Our parents are not at an age yet where they need any care, but it is something I think about, and a conversation we should have.
Kelly says
It’s so true that having kids make you more conscientious about your spending. It also doesn’t help that when you splurge on a dinner out or something you have to spend on the kids too! Pizza night is $35 instead of $10, etc.
I think I would feel less ambivalent sometimes if we’d had the time to be DINKs for awhile, but we’ll get that on the other end when they are older, and hopefully it will be treasured more since we have never had that opportunity before.
Kelly says
It’s so true that having kids make you more conscientious about your spending. It also doesn’t help that when you splurge on a dinner out or something you have to spend on the kids too! Pizza night is $35 instead of $10, etc.
I think I would feel less ambivalent sometimes if we’d had the time to be DINKs for awhile, but we’ll get that on the other end when they are older, and hopefully it will be treasured more since we have never had that opportunity before.
Cathy @ Rainy Day Pennies says
I don’t have children, but hope that I will still be healthy and young enough to have some in the future. Unfortunately, I did not find the right partner in my ‘prime’ childbearing years.
Recently my dad became sick and I had to fly back home to help my mom while he was in the hospital. I took care of things back at the house until he got better to come back home. I picked him up from the hospital, got his medicines for him, and made sure my parents understood the instructions from the doctors. My dad’s hearing is quite bad, and he can misinterpret things easily.
This experience made me think about people who choose to childless because of being ‘too expensive’. Who will help take care of them when they are old? My mom is getting older too. I’m still young and strong enough to help them clear off the broken branches from the trees in their yard.
I’m not one to judge anyone’s life decisions, but if they choose not to have an heir, they also need to think about the cost of nursing care and paying someone to take care of them.
Cathy @ Rainy Day Pennies says
I don’t have children, but hope that I will still be healthy and young enough to have some in the future. Unfortunately, I did not find the right partner in my ‘prime’ childbearing years.
Recently my dad became sick and I had to fly back home to help my mom while he was in the hospital. I took care of things back at the house until he got better to come back home. I picked him up from the hospital, got his medicines for him, and made sure my parents understood the instructions from the doctors. My dad’s hearing is quite bad, and he can misinterpret things easily.
This experience made me think about people who choose to childless because of being ‘too expensive’. Who will help take care of them when they are old? My mom is getting older too. I’m still young and strong enough to help them clear off the broken branches from the trees in their yard.
I’m not one to judge anyone’s life decisions, but if they choose not to have an heir, they also need to think about the cost of nursing care and paying someone to take care of them.
Liz says
Great post, Kelly! I fondly remember my days as part of a DINK (dual income no kids) couple. Life was so much less complicated! But what’s interesting is that, because we didn’t have the financial stress of children, we were more careless with our money. Now that we have children, we have motivation to think a bit more carefully before we splurge on something we want.
Same with our time. Before, we’d waste an entire weekend doing absolutely nothing. Now we treasure every free moment and get WAY more accomplished. We’re forced to be more efficient!
Of course it will come as no surprise to you to know that I wouldn’t trade my kids for anything. Although I technically could have had more money stashed away if I hadn’t had to pay $22,000/yr for childcare (gasp), I think I’m so much more focused now that I might actually have more in savings WITH kids than without. Let’s just say…I’m too tired to watch infomercials. And that’s a GOOD thing.
And even if they are expensive, children make you wealthy in so many ways that are so worth it! So yeah, kids are expensive, but they’re a great investment. 😉
Liz says
Great post, Kelly! I fondly remember my days as part of a DINK (dual income no kids) couple. Life was so much less complicated! But what’s interesting is that, because we didn’t have the financial stress of children, we were more careless with our money. Now that we have children, we have motivation to think a bit more carefully before we splurge on something we want.
Same with our time. Before, we’d waste an entire weekend doing absolutely nothing. Now we treasure every free moment and get WAY more accomplished. We’re forced to be more efficient!
Of course it will come as no surprise to you to know that I wouldn’t trade my kids for anything. Although I technically could have had more money stashed away if I hadn’t had to pay $22,000/yr for childcare (gasp), I think I’m so much more focused now that I might actually have more in savings WITH kids than without. Let’s just say…I’m too tired to watch infomercials. And that’s a GOOD thing.
And even if they are expensive, children make you wealthy in so many ways that are so worth it! So yeah, kids are expensive, but they’re a great investment. 😉
Kelly says
I have really only met one family who I felt were not impacted financially by having kids, and despite my opinion THEY felt they needed more in savings and they had over 7 figures!
Thanks, it’s a journey (as you know!), but a good one.
The minivan love really comes from my back. If you’ve ever had to do the “car seat buckle limbo” you know what I mean. Being able to stand and buckle and unbuckle them is HUGE! That’s probably weeks of my life I’ve spent buckling and unbuckling little people! But also, I am secretly envious.
Thanks for stopping over. 🙂
Kelly says
I have really only met one family who I felt were not impacted financially by having kids, and despite my opinion THEY felt they needed more in savings and they had over 7 figures!
Thanks, it’s a journey (as you know!), but a good one.
The minivan love really comes from my back. If you’ve ever had to do the “car seat buckle limbo” you know what I mean. Being able to stand and buckle and unbuckle them is HUGE! That’s probably weeks of my life I’ve spent buckling and unbuckling little people! But also, I am secretly envious.
Thanks for stopping over. 🙂
Hi Kelly! Thanks for letting me know about your reaction post - it’s great! I have to admit, some of those comments came as a surprise in large part because almost every parent I know is in a similar financial situation. We’re all doing okay to great, but still, having children definitely has impacted all of our finances. To pretend that kids don’t impact a family’s bottom line is disingenuous, in my opinion.
I’m so impressed at how well you’re doing. And although I’ve avoided becoming a minivan mom myself (possible b/c I only have 2 kids!), I have to admit that EVERYONE I know who has one LOVES it - it doesn’t even matter what the make and model are.
Hi Kelly! Thanks for letting me know about your reaction post - it’s great! I have to admit, some of those comments came as a surprise in large part because almost every parent I know is in a similar financial situation. We’re all doing okay to great, but still, having children definitely has impacted all of our finances. To pretend that kids don’t impact a family’s bottom line is disingenuous, in my opinion.
I’m so impressed at how well you’re doing. And although I’ve avoided becoming a minivan mom myself (possible b/c I only have 2 kids!), I have to admit that EVERYONE I know who has one LOVES it - it doesn’t even matter what the make and model are.